Paradox

I wanted what I wanted not,
What I did shun became my lot.
My own warnings I left not spurning,
To satisfy my heart's deep yearning.
At last fulfillment did partly come,
But I am back where I begun.
Although I have what I desired,
I can't help but feel uninspired.
I long to be deeply seclusioned,
On days when I am disillusioned.